My dear Jil, I'd have thought by now you'd know better than to produce a sex
tape. There are too many instances of sex tape gone viral that someone should
have learnt by now. Whatever the wonderful intent of Kim Kardashian about her
sex tape I doubt if she contemplated a vengeful Ray J. When it comes to sex
tape there is always the possibility of prosecution of malice or revenge by a
former lover.
A sex tape surrenders power to your partner over your future. And he has
full discretionary powers. And you know people change, and promises get broken;
trust can become a tradable commodity. A sex tape has untoward
possibilities. There is the high possibility it will leak at some point;
there is a possibility someone's going to seek to damage your future with it; a
possibility that someone's going to seek to get back at you; or someone's going
To seek to become famous at your expense; or someone's going to be careless,
stupid, foolish or reckless; or someone's going to seek to blackmail you; or
someone's going to torment you in the short, medium or long term... These are
real and present dangers.
Men are not always honourable and cyberspace has become a residential retreat
for evil doers. Then there's the danger of unintended distribution. Unerased
files on a phone given to someone for example. There's also the possibility of
someone hacking into your computer or mobile device to download your
sequestered privacy. Then the scripture will be fulfilled: That which is done
in secret shall be made manifest. Whatever voyeuristic enjambment you seek from
a sex tape its capacity for treachery is not worth your acting debut. But some
people get famous from sex tapes don't they? But is that the "fame"
you want? Notoriety must not be confused with fame. Even if the normative
values of your generation are accommodative of sex tape as arterial avenue to
fame... note that many of those who laud the philosophy of prurient fame would
rather not be the ones in those tapes. They're sideline cheer leaders who
critically never volunteer their future as notorious digital media.
The issue goes beyond you. Think of your parents. Think of your children. Do
you really want junior googling mummy and the top search result is mummy's sex
tape? The level of viral interest in such materials ensures that every time
your name is googled the sex tape comes up. That's when you hear the sermon:
"Mummy did some bad things a long time ago. I'm not proud of those
things." A digital release multiplies faster than a swarm of obstreperous
virus. (Obstreperous means difficult to control). That is the nature of the web
and the new world order is digital malignancy. Your future must not become an
amortised asset, your reputation mortgaged to the hilt. That sex tape is going
to stay in cyberspace forever. These things define paths, determine and limit
life options. Actions have consequences. Always think of your future despite
the natural inclination of youth to only think of the here and now. Something
you did a whole while back can rush into your future with the force of a 2-ton
canon ball. Even if not released on the net the tape can surface ten, fifteen
years later with wicked intent. It will force unimaginable repercussions on
your life. May determine your fortune- political or otherwise. And your parents
or husband may suffer from those repercussions, or be prevented in life.
There's a gentleman who can't run for office today though eminently qualified,
on account of the lascivious past of his wife. She loves him dearly but she
knows a run for office will force some things out into the open. His
declaration will bring about remembrances of the past quietly buried just below
the surface of human consciousness. His opponents will use her past against
him, salivating a prime time moment in anticipatory maliciousness. If he
insists on running she must divorce him she says. For his own good. Let me
bring things into sharper perspective- give you the focus being in love will
deny you.
Research how many campus relationships end up in marriage. You'll discover the
statistics is rather low. (Going somewhere). It's because the actuality of the
real world renders obsolescent the circumstances of campus affection; thins out
the potency. A university campus is a factitious environment though real world
phenomena take place there. It is deliberately designed to forge intellectual
stimulation through crossings and interactions. In the real world the demands
of work and life...the mechanics of daily ablution prevent certain levels of
interaction.
You just can't "dash to Tunde's hostel" in the real world. His
availability is moderated by so many factors. A love forged under the pseudo
realities of campus life will be subject to stress test in the real world. The
young man still has to move out of home. He needs to get an apartment, furnish
it at least a bit before marrying. That can take some time though the girl
is ready for marriage. She's waiting to walk down the aisle. Minus economics
the boy most times is not psychologically ready to take that big step
immediately after school. Readiness dissonance will create a fissure in the
relationship. The word "relationship" presupposes a continuum. There
can't be gaps or fissures. Then there are consequences of maturity. The more
mature you become the more you know what you should want in a man. Tunde may
not necessarily fit that definition. His love offering thus becomes extinct
under new realisations. Now you see why the mortality rate for campus hatched
relationships is high. Life asserts and imposes itself.
Now imagine making a sex tape on campus given the foregoing. The chance the sex
tape will be in the custody of someone you're probabilistically unlikely to
marry is high. And so an amateur pornographic flick you starred in when you
were 18, 19 can come to haunt your life with vengeance. A lot depends on the
character of that boyfriend, and God help you if Tunde is angry you jilted him.
He will exact digital revenge the likes of which the TV drama, Revenge will
lust after for a script.
When you become someone important or the wife of someone important a
digitalised record can threaten it all. Imagine being a First Lady or Minister
of the Federal Republic and your sex tape is released! Guess it all depends on
how you see your future, how far you see yourself going, what you intend to
become. As for the sex itself maybe you should consider following God's
instruction about it. You know what he says. His standards may seem a bit high
but I always start with the assumption that he knows what he's talking about.
But you know each generation thinks it's more modern than God, as if God didn't
invent the future. Pardon me but didn't God invent sex? Or did we?
Your mentor, LA.
© Leke Alder 2014
